Tired... but a new revelation

I'm so tired...

But tonight, one of the advisors, Joyce, prophesied to me about how I can serve God... God really does wonders, I mean, how did she know...

So here's what I'm going to do now...

Everytime a song came into my mind, I will get up and record it down.

Be prepared to see a lot of songs on this blog, people.

A reunion, or a preview of, eight years in the making

It has been that long...

It was the days when my face was thinner, hahaha.

Today, I met someone whom the last I saw was eight years ago. Is this a preview of older friends getting together for a reunion eight years in the making?

Jessie, you've grown up now. I remember how you were when you were 15. How time flies and how I became old. Anyways, I guess I'll see you more in the gym from now on. And thanks for saying that I haven't change a bit... (hahahaha).

so... where do I go from here?

No longer do I feel that my life is "fine" and "alright." The past few weeks I discovered that I've gotten in touch with certain levels of my emotion which I probably have repressed for some time. Now it's easier for me to be "touched" by pretty much everything.

This reminds me... I was watching the movie "The Longest Yard" on Monday and there's this football player who was all tough until his steroids got replaced with estrogen... all of a sudden, he became more sensitive and emotional. Man, it was good for a laugh. But I'm certain that I didn't take any hormone pills, hahaha...

I think God has opened up the part of me where I was most fearful of because of its fragile nature. I suppose that in order to move on and really "live" life, it's better to have my full package of emotions with me than to have some of them discarded or neglected. I think I've gotten them back now... the only question is... where do I go from here?

When Abraham was called to follow God, he went faithfully as God revealed to him as each step unfolds. I think most of us are familiar with the story... this is the promised life of fulfillment. I wish that I will walk in it faithfully.

Amazingly, I got all my work done yesterday despite my absence on Monday. There's more, but I know that God will lead me. Lord, please do so.

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy Birthday Sydney! May the Lord fill your coming year with more of His blessings in this new chapter in your life!

Taking a day off

I decided to take today off. Can't sleep for some reason...

This is a perfect opprtunity to rest and hopefully for me to find renewal.

Have you ever had the Sunday night blues?

I had another big weekend...

Friday night fellowship was tear jerking. Good friends plus good food at a new restauraut with new friends post fellowship completes the night.

Saturday was packed to the brim. Had a good and long conversation with a friend that I didn't talk to for ages. Good lunch with friends where one came all the way back from San Francisco. Good dinner with different friends at a new restaurant followed by the D&K concert (yes, again, this time I had enough money to get their CD with their autograph).

And Sunday... yes, Sunday. Overslept for Sunday service, but it gave me enough energy for the rest of the day. Sang many songs, heard good voices, seen old and new friends, and had our own concert at the KTV. We were wanting for more even after the happy hours ended. The night was completed with a joint dinner at yet another new restaurant with more friends which was also complimented with a quick drink after dinner at Lollicup.

Now I'm back at home, facing the reality of getting up early for work tomorrow. Gotten connected with some friends yet had to wait til next time... which in some cases are undetermined and infinite, to reconnect again.

Oh~ the Sunday night blues. Isn't it funny that sometimes we feel that we don't have time and yet at times we wish that time would just slip away?

外婆

詞：周杰倫　曲：周杰倫　編曲：周杰倫　女聲：張欣瑜

今天是外婆生日　我換上復古西裝
載著外婆開著拉風的古董車兜兜兜風
車裡放著她的最愛　找回屬於是她的年代
往大稻埕碼頭開去把所有和外公的往事靜靜回憶
外婆她臉上的漣漪　美麗但藏不住壓抑
失去了愛情只盼望親情　彌補回應
大人們以為出門之前桌上放六佰就算是孝敬
一天到晚拼了命　賺錢少了關懷有什麼意義

外婆她的期待　慢慢變成無奈　大人們始終不明白
她要的是陪伴　而不是六百塊　比你給的還簡單
外婆她的無奈　無法變成期待　只有愛才能夠明白
走在淡水河畔　聽著他的最愛　把溫暖放回口袋

記得去年外婆的生日 表哥帶我和外婆參加 她最最重視的頒獎典禮

結果卻拿不到半個獎　不知道該笑不笑
我對著鏡頭傻笑　只覺得自己可笑
我難過　卻不是因為沒得獎而難過
我失落　是因為看到外婆失落而失落

大人們根本不能體會表哥他的用心
好像隨他們高興就可以徹底的否定

否定　我的作品　決定在於心情
想堅持風格他們就覺得還歐顆　沒驚喜沒有改變
我已經聽了三年　我告訴外婆　我沒輸　不需要改變

表哥說不要覺得可惜　這只是一場遊戲
只要外婆覺得好聽　那才是一種鼓勵
外婆露出了笑容說她以我為榮
淺淺的笑容　就讓我感到比得獎它還要光榮

Thank you...

Thank you for meeting me tonight... Just when I thought I had no more strength left, you find a way to reach out to me.

Busy day again?

Today I spent half the day at Boeing's lab in their Anaheim location trying to solve their Gigabit Fiber Optic issue. I don't want to bore everyone with all the details... I went in, tried a few things, tried some other things, chatted with their engineers, joked a bit, went back to the office at 6:20pm (they were working overtime too) with the case solved.

So I guess this is a good busy day. Since I get to actually relax a little bit while trying to solve problems.

I wanted to bring out an interesting conversation that I had with one of their head engineers. Apparently, this typical American engineer (typical, meaning - size, shape, and height... you guessed it... similar to Homer Simpson) is a guru at computers in both hardware and software. So his job naturally involve a lot of computers and he doesn't even use the computer when he gets home since it reminds him of work.

So what does he do as a hobby? Well, he lately has been reading something about genetic programming: it's a set of algorithms that follow the priniples of evolution to determine which programs or strings of code are fit to survive and therefore evolve.

Another engineer said that it might be the real beginning of A.I. (Artificial Intelligence). Or... is it? I was thinking... well, what type of rules or algorithms can determine which or what is fit? There has to be some rules on making the selection of who is fit to survive, right?

Just as I was thinking about that, these engineer also realized the same issue... brought it up, and the conversation ended up shifting to a different topic... knowing that this is not going to be resolved.

So I was thinking... it would be really interesting if this is ever realized. Beacause this will be so anti-evolution if this is found out.... here's what I mean: imagine a Mercedes parked at the beach. Now, no one in their right mind would think that such a fine piece of engineering masterpiece and speed beast formed itself in perfect balance and precision and then, parked itself at the beach, right? If someone says that this beauty was a product of randomness and the parts formed through natural selection became the car that is today. We'd think that this guy is out of his mind!

Now, apply the same principle and think about the human body...

You decide which one makes more sense.

The most immediate goal: Get to work on time!

I was late to work for 45 minutes today. Partly due to the rain, but mostly due to my habit of sleeping late.

My boss was telling me in a nice way: " How can you manage people under you if you're late all the time?" Well, that's very true...

So my next immediate goal in my life:

GET TO WORK ON TIME!!!

The Sunset and the Rainbow

It didn't rain until after 6pm today. By noon, the sun was scorching just like it always did. So I thought that once again I was fooled by the weather report.

Well, it did rain. Not cats and dogs, but enough to make any car dirty, which is usually the worst type...

For the first time in my life, I saw a completely arched rainbow! I was driving on 57 North and was greeted with this surprise. It was enough to make my day special. Alas, the wonders continue... it was one of the most interesting sunsets that I've seen in my life as I took the offramp to I-60 west. The sky was like it was divided... well, I'll upload the pics that I took with my cell phone camera while driving later. I thank God for His convenant under the Rainbow. And I thank Him for the things that only He can make beautiful in my life.

One other thing which was good today...

I had Korean BBQ.... hahaha.

groomy morning

Looks like it's going to rain.

D&K concert at UCC

These are some very taleneted young guys. I must say, I wish I had their voice... but I might not have their humblness and boldness. Danny and Kyle went to the US funding themselves and asking nothing in return except to share their life testimonies with people who need the Lord (that includes Christian and non-Christian both).

There were times when I can just really close my eyes and enjoy, and times when I feel like I want to move my body and wiggle the neon stick.

You can see their schedule here. For those of you who didn't make it. They are going to VOH on Saturday. Don't miss it again.

Btw, it was good to finally meet some of you in person again after a long period of drought.

Family Lunch: a talk with Grandma

We took mom to NBC Seafood restaurant in Alhambra for her birthday. This is one of the few times of the year where everybody actually come to meet with each other. A crab is only $15 there and cooked with zesty Chinese spices. Now I'm thinking that it is actually more expensive to eat crab at the beach market anywhere. It was $10 a pound at Redondo. My brother in law, Greg, confirmed that it is the same price at Long Beach too. Sighs...

We had so much food!!! After the lunch, we met back at my younger sister's place for the cake and coffee. It's a very yummy cake layered with slices of mango... not too sweet, not too rich, but just right. I had two slices even though I was really full... I look around and everyone was having a second slice just like me... hahaha. It also look like we're all going to skip dinner now.

After the cake is finished, the coffee emptied, and others departed. I've learned that my grandma is leaving back to Taiwan tomorrow. And I'm at a loss for words.

I used to be very close to my grandma. She took care of me since I was 1 or 2 weeks old after my parents took me to I-Lan from Taipei because they both have to work and there's no one to watch me. So as far back as I can remember, I have the smell of grass in my nose and the color of the field farms in my eyes. This was I-Lan 30 some years ago.

Memories came back as I sat down with my only surviving grand parent to talk about her recent trip/vacation to Hawaii. How she thinks that the ocean was so pretty. How the names that she'd only heard others spoke of has met her eyes in the realest way... and how she would remember the things that I have already forgotten... 32 years ago.

She got both me and my brother a T-shirt from Hawaii... I think I might only wear it one time... because it will be so "precious" to me. But I think, in her mind, she would wish that I could wear it everyday.

To my dearest grandma... a song that I used to sang to her when I was in Taiwan... when I was a little kid. Who thought I had everything.... because I did:

外婆的澎湖灣

晚風輕拂澎湖彎 白浪逐沙灘
沒有椰林綴斜陽 只是一泓水藍藍
坐在門前的矮牆上 一遍遍懷想
也是黃昏的沙灘上 有著腳印倆對半
那是外婆拄著杖 將我手輕輕挽
踩著薄暮走向餘暉 暖暖的澎湖彎
一個腳印是笑語壹串 消磨許多時光
直到夜色吞沒我倆 在回家的路上
澎湖彎澎湖彎 外婆的澎湖彎
有我許多的童年幻想 陽光ˍ沙灘
海浪仙人掌
還有一位老船長

Dreams

I've had a lot of dreams last night. It's been a very long time since I even dream... I usually sleep without dreams and sleep better. For some reason, I dreamed of all the people that I cared... even the ones that I just knew. I don't recall all the details. Except that I was running, confused, and cared too much.

So I guess these wouldn't be called pleasant dreams, right?

Yesterday, some of us went all the way to Corona Del Mar to meet up with old and new friends to celebrate... well, I guess, Moon Festival. The goal was really perhaps to faciliate interaction and friendship among the young adult groups from 3 different churches: EFC RH, EFC Irvine, and EFC Oceanside/SD.

I think I might need to rely on others to send me the pictures now since my car maintenance set me back $700 earlier yesterday and I'm going to hold my thought on getting that digital camera for this blog. So when I get the pics taken for last night in my mail box, I will post them up here.


Today is my mom's birthday. Happy birthday, mom!! We celebrate mom's birthday based on her lunar birthdate because it is exactly the same date as the Moon Festival. I'm going to get ready soon to get to the family lunch that doesn't happen too often so I'm skipping church this morning.

I still remember how when we first came to the US, all five (or six, when my dad is here) used to cram in a 2 bedroom apartment in South Pasadena. Now we all live apart. How the times have changed...

Lately, my weekends have been filled with fun activities. Many thanks to the old friends that reconnected and the new friends made. Thanks to God for letting me know you. My life is moving forward toward the next chapter, I hope, in a purposeful kind of way.

Happy Mid Autumn Moon Festival!

TGIF

It's Friday again. All the glamours associated with the weekend is once again here. Thank God It's Friday!!!

This week went past by me in a hurry. Many things have happened... challenges, blessings, and direction. Time to slow down my heart this weekend and think things through.

Seeing too much of a promise can take a person into more of a dreamy state. The result is that we become unpractical. So it is important for me now.... that I take one small but sure step at a time.

I think sometimes we think too big and overlooked the small details. We then become afraid of taking a big step because we think we might be wrong and the momentum will take us to a quick fall. There's one way to fix that... we can learn to take baby steps.

Ok, out of brain power and babbling.... good night, everyone.

A series of Un-relaxing events

BUSY!!!

First day back from the FL trip and all my work is stacked up. People were making mistakes, shipments were shipped but without documents. Wrong items were ordered and shipped.... customers were pushing for answers. Support cases were waiting for responses...

I felt so bogged down even though I slept plenty last night... more than 8 hours. I guess it wasn't enough since I slept very little while I was in Orlando. But I was so alert while I was at the show. I wonder why it was so different when I got back.

There's one very good and surprising lead from the tradeshow. I think it's one that God allowed... I hope that I'll stayed focused because somehow, somewhat... I tend to get distracted while I'm back in office very easily. There's the swarm of phone calls... and people just walk up to my and ask questions. And of course, there's that evil MSN... hahaha

Stay focused...

Back in LA... z_Z

Yap, tired....

Dinner at Bongos at Downtown Disney World

Today went by faster than yesterday and it is usually the case as the second day for most shows is the busiest. And my boss was so busy that he didn't eat breakfast and lunch... (and I ate both, what a rarety) so we would have our post-show meeting/dinner earlier this evening.

That was the plan.

The 4 of us took off from our hotel right at 6pm to go to the House of Blues. I'm not really familiar with Orlando (last time I was here, I got lost trying to find decent restaurants for dinner) so I was glad that I don't have to drive. One of my colleagues from TX was driving and the other colleage (also from TX... they are both white and tall... must be all the steaks they've had in their lives) was navigating.

We were lost.

Couldn't find the right freeway entrance. And the traffic was a bit congested... so it took us about 20 minutes to finally get on the freeway (missing the entrance ramp too).

Oh cool, I began to recognize the scenary a little bit... I stayed at the Disney Resort for 4 days last summer for another show and it looks like we're going toward Disney world. After seeing the sign that said "Disney World" at the exit ramp, I was like... oh, ya, I remember this place. We were about only 7 miles away from it. And there was a sign that stated that "House of Blue" was ahead.

We were lost again.

I took a nap.

ok, we finally got there... and it was right at Downtown Disney. My colleague told me that even if I stayed here for a month, I would not have see everything there.... well, it is Disney "World, " so that made sense. This is like the perfect time to go to Disney World in Orlando. The wind was soothing, the sun was setting, and I can hear the blues playing and someone singing the blues as we creep toward our destination in perfectly suspended motion.

After all, we all need to relax tonight after a busy day.

There's a water tower that says "House of Blues" right next to the actual restaurant. It gave us a classic feel as we feel that we're stepping into another world.

"Ok, there's a line." I said. "That's a sure sign that the food is good."
And one of us has really good eyes... "hey, it's a private party..."

Oh~~~ Great...

ok, it's almost 7:30.

We can see the Blues Brothers going in and hear the guitar jamming away in such an enjoyable tune. Sighs.... now... only blue.

Wondering where we should go from here, we decided to go to the next best thing within walking distance.

Then there's the Cuban restaurant called Bongos Cuban Cafe. Well, looked very nice and there's a line too... we got seated and the power went out...

... at this time, we're all thinking maybe we should all just go back to the hotel area and settle for one of those less interesting restaurants. Fortunately, the power went back on after 5 minutes and we were able to finally relax and enjoy the evening.

The food was ok for me. I guess everyone was really hungry and they thought the food was great.... well, maybe I'm just too picky...

Below are two pics that I took with my cell phone. Sorry, I have to shop for a digital camera... when I get back.

This is the "Peabody" hotel. Which is right across from the convention center. I've heard that there are ducklings in the main lobby. Maybe I'll go in to take a look and verify that.
This is the pic I took after dinner at Downtown Disney.
Sorry for the bad resolution. Blame the cell phone, ok?

A time to relax... I came back to the hotel and began listening to Nora Jones. A way to get my own fix on missing the blues tonight... replaced with jazzy and relaxing music.

Here's a good and relaxing song:


"Sunrise"

Sunrise, sunrise
Looks like mornin' in your eyes
But the clocks held 9:15 for hours
Sunrise, sunrise
Couldn't tempt us if it tried
'Cause the afternoon's already come and gone

And I said hoo...
To you

Surprise, surprise
Couldn't find it in your eyes
But I'm sure it's written all over my face
Surprise, surprise
Never something I could hide
When I see we made it through another day

And I said hoo...
To you

Now good night
Throw its cover down
On me again
Ooh and if I'm right
It's the only way
To bring me back

Hoo...
To you
Hoo...

Please take care, my friends. Thanks for those who shared your care with me... May God bring about the sunrise in you and me in times where we can encourage each other.

Beautiful Orlando... Humid Orlando

This place is sure beautiful. Too bad I didn't have a digital camera to take any pictures for you to see. It is also just as humid as I remember the first time I came to Orlando over an year ago.



The trade show that I'm attending is the ASIS International show aimed at security equipment from watch dogs to bulletproof glass to IP camera monitoring systems and alarms. It was our first year at this show but the response was surprisingly good. Except for the overpriced $12.50 salad and the standing on my feet all day since 8:30am (5:30am Pacific Time) after taking a red eye filght.... everything was just peachy.

I had a long talk with my two colleagues who are both based in TX at dinner later. Wow, so many things can be communicated over such an informal meeting. No wonder eating meals with customers gets the deals done.

Read Isaiah 22 today for devotion.... if you can, read it too. I'm reminded of New Orleans...

Arrived!!

Just checked in the hotel about 15 minutes ago here in Orlando, FL. Fortunately I was able to nap a little bit during flight so I think I can survive the full day coming up.

This hotel actually was able to allow me to check in so early in the morning... I'm really surprised.

I was reading a book just for a little bit before landing: "Overcoming Confusion" by Rick Joyner. 17 pages into the book, and I already feel less confused (hahaha). It looks like a really good book, hopefully I'll have time to finish that book while I'm in Orlando... since I borrowed it form my boss.

to be continued...

Destination: Orlando, FL

Please keep me in your prayers as I start again another wave of business travels beginning tonight. I will take the red eye flight to Orlando FL and stayed there for the ASIS security show until Wednesday. I will be back for the weekend and get ready for the next show in Vegas in a week and a half. And then... Chicago.... and then... San Francisco.

There are also planned trips to Seattle and Reno. But I didn't set those up yet. I kind of hope that I don't have to travel as often.

Everytime, I travel, I get to eat good but unhealthy food. Something good is always sinful.... hahaha.

Post-Meeting thoughts...

The Family Keeper's Reunion came and went leaving memories of fun times, stirring up hearts of passion, fastening the frienships formed, and giving hints to the new hopes that I'm sure some of us aspire to. At times, I wonder how a ministry is formed, and how it will survive. We all work very hard, but at the end of the day, what will determine if this ministry of hardworkers will last?

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain." Psalm 127:1

It is my ernest prayer that I keep my focus. So many times in the past have I steered away from God.... and all the hard work were truly in vain, for I have not seen myself getting more mature except becoming more proud. What talent do I really have, sometimes, I wonder? Everything that I have is from the Lord. And yet through the years, I discovered that I became more self centered and even found reasons to justify it. The Lord knows my heart... it was my imaturity that caused me to be proud and become self centered. All were driven by my eagerness for other's recognition, attention, and love... because I guess I lack them coming from a broken family. So oftentimes I found myself missing direction... why? because the focus is blurred...

and it hindered me from moving as fast as I wanted.
The good: I don't have to travel back as far to get back on the right track.
The Bad: I need to start over from the beginning of the detour.
And the Ugly: Inevitably, time had passed and is not recoverable.

"Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

"O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual cloth and say to them, "Away with you!"'

Isaiah 30: 18~22

I look forward to hearing God's voice in my ears one day. And how wonderful a sound that will be...

Buddies pic from last night's Family Keeper Pre-Moon Festival picnic... sighs, guys, there are reasons why I don't have a lot of pics taken... see, I almost always close my eyes when the camera flashes!

Sometimes we just need to speak out our heart...

It was a wonderful fellowship meeting again tonight. I'm reminded of the song "Pour out my heart" that has been re-sung by different groups over the years. I remember the first time I heard and sang the song for woship was in the early 90s. I'm grateful to God that I have a small group of friends who would really listen and encourage. Thanks also to the ones who pour out their hearts. Your stories inspire me. ^^

I talked to Kevin until 2:30am... wow, I guess I really had a lot to say... so much that I forgot I was going to call Joyce to talk to her about what I need her to help me on for tomorrow's Family Keeper's reunion. Since she's kind of cool so I don't think she'll think it's a big deal. But thanks for agreeing to help me...

And thanks to all who beared with me in much patience. I am still a work in progress... thanks again. I really need to get to bed so I can get ready for tomorrow. To say the least, I'm glad that I get a chance to lead worship again, however, I'm really nervous after a 2 year period of inactivity. And my first time coming back... I'm facing 50 people in an outdoor setting. I know God will provide. I just hope that I will remember to lean on His grace for me.

Are we really so busy?

One of the many responses that we get from so many of our friends is that they're "so busy" when being asked how they are. Almost as if though it is a good thing to be busy. And it becomes such a standard answer to hinting the other person to buzz off. Sure! It's good to be always on the go. It's a sure sign of our life moving forward. Or is it? What do you think? Is being busy really a sign of our life moving forward?

I remebmer there were times not too long ago, that I was so busy from the moment that I wake up until I close my eyes to sleep. Only to wake up agian to the same booked schedule. This happens mostly when we're working based on a deadline. This is good "busy." There's a direction, there's action, and there's a tangible result. But are we sometimes just "busy" for no reason other than being occupied?

Psalm 90:12 says: 'Teach us to number our days aright, so that we may gain a heart of wisdom." I think after all is said and done, we ultimately have to look at how we spend our time here on earth. Sometimes being busy blinds us from looking further into more in life, and then we realized that life has passed us by some 10 years ago. We grew old, but our life might have stayed still. It takes no effort to grow old but it does take much effort to grow up. I hope that life doesn't just pass for us. We don't have too many 10 years in our life.

... just some random thoughts in the middle of the night...

A Retarded Letter

I thought this is funny and instead of spamming to everyone, I decided to post it here for everyone that can read Chinese. Just some relaxing time at the end of the work day...

阿母的信
親愛的兒子：

我這封信寫得很慢　因為我知道你看字不快

(寫的慢跟人家看的快不快有什麼關係...)

我們已經搬家了，不過地址沒改，因為搬家順便把門牌帶來了。

(天阿,妳太天才了吧,誰知道您搬到哪呀-_-b)

這禮拜下了二次雨，第一次下了三天，第二次下了四天

(那不是等於一個禮拜都在下雨嗎...)

昨天我們去買披薩店員問說：請問要切成8片還是12片？

妳勤儉的外婆說：切成8片好了，切成12片恐怕吃不完！

(大小不都一樣...)

那間店披薩還不錯，改天我們全家再一起去街口的餐館吃牛排 (披薩店不錯跟去吃牛排有什麼關係@"@??)

還有你阿姨說你要我寄去的那件外套，因為郵寄時會超重，所以我們把釦子剪下來放在那件外套的口袋裡。

(這樣會比較輕嗎?...)

你姊姊今天早上生了，因為我還不知道到底是男的或女的，所以我不曉得你要當阿姨還是舅舅。

(有男的阿姨嗎-_-b)

媽媽最近沒什麼事，我會再寫信給你。

ps.我們本來要寄錢給你,但是信封已經黏好了

(信封黏好了?那你最後一段怎麼寫上的阿=___=b)

Pride and Corruption

Today's reading is Isaiah 16 following VOH's pace talking about pride and corrutption. Or it should be: why pride leads to corruption. I'm reminded of certain lines from the movie: Fight Club ~ "You're not your apartment, not your Yin-Yang Table. You're not the content of your wallet." Reflecting from 4 years ago. I think God has dealt with much of my pride and is stilling dealing with it. Ever so painfully. I was on the edge... why is that? Because I was walking with God in a very close way 4 years ago. It was a situation where I had not much money left in my bank after I was laid off six months earlier. I learned to rely on God very quickly, almost as if though there were no choices left. And God was gracious and kept me on the edge. It seems to be His way. It was a great way to live. Because I take nothing for granted. Everything is a gift from God. With each passing day, His gifts become bigger, His blessings flowed more, and eventually, I became comfortable, I became fat in my heart, and I became a case of "I think, therefore I am."

There's a thin line between confidence and pride. Somewhere, somehow, I crossed it unknowingly. I think the turning point was when I switch jobs after a completely "live by grace" period of 4 months... that's when God began to tell me that I still need to rely on him and that the relationship that I had with Him has to mature. I was put to the test of being given more resources because of the promise of prosperity on this new career path, and I failed. I was not a good stewart. I stumbled and fall. This was the process that I endured... everyday was not an improvement of the previous. I felt that my life stopped moving. Yet I internalized it in my heart saying that it's ok. In a nutshell description, unknowingly, I left my fellowship, left my church, left my support group, and placed an unbearable burden on my loved one. Eventually, she left too. So I was left with nothing... I was not doing well at my job, but I should. I have the wits, I have the quickness, but my heart was misplaced. Passions cooled and drives lost. My pride had led me to my corrution in my mind. I felt I was dying just a little bit more everyday.

It was when I felt that I had nothing left... I began to turn back to God. If you're familiar with the story of the prodical son... it was exactly how I felt. And God accepted me with his open arms way before I got home. I believe that I'm still walking that journey home, because God came out so out of the way to get me. I'm thankful, but this process will take time...

Pondering for motivation, wondering for direction, and surrendering for full submission. I'm still a ways off to my destination. I should be always seeking, and never relinquishing my confidence in His persistence on getting me to where He will lead me. So many times, my confidence stepped over the line to become pride, but God never gave up on me. And I know He's molding me. Doesn't matter what shape or form I became. Even if I'm completely corrupted, He can re-mix the clay and remold me like a potter would. I only wish that as I walk my journey, I would learn to have less of me and more of Him. Recalling from 4 years ago... it was a great way to live. There's always pain in growth. Sometimes the only way we learn is by recovering from mistakes. Hehe, I think if I've listened and willingly obeyed. I will have been spared of the many pains that I had to endure. The good thing is that God's grace is more than sufficient and His kindness has led me back to him.

Still walking... maybe I'll pick up the pace soon. I am looking forward to the promised land. The land flowing with milk and honey.

Again, to be continued...

Eating crab at Redondo Beach

I thought I upload this one for fun. Look at me... so hungry that I was going to bite directly into the crab. Don't worry, I did not. ... I used the hammer.... and next to me is the skinny girl who unfortunately sat next to me.

Battle Field 2

Andy came over to borrow some tools to drill an intake opening for his PC case this afternoon (before the movie) and I fixed his Microsoft Genuine Windows Authentification issue (after the movie). I've always had issues with the BF2 server as it was very laggy even with very low pings. So I have not been playing this game online ever since I got it two months ago. Well, I have not played it at all, to be exact.

So today was Andy's perfect opportunity to show me that there was nothing wrong with the server by using his computer to get some demonstrated online play and that I would have no excuse to join him to kill all the baddies and villains in the cyber world (I placed the blame on the server and my ISP for not getting connected to the stable servers). Well, no lag and perfectly smooth game play... ok, I got the point. So it must have been my computer set up or hardware. Wouldn't you know it... it was the wireless card. Since I got one of those Fry's $10 specials. It was ironic how that I'm a network guy with a uber cheap wireless card. I tried everything there is to try except changing the hardware NIC... well, this is always the last bottleneck. So I guess I'll be shopping for a new wireless NIC tomorrow.

I better remember to exercise discipline... since I usually get pretty addicted to games... hahaha.

Brothers Grimm

So much expectations turned grim. Need I say more? I went matinee today with Johnny, Andy, and Glenn for Brothers Grimm. I suppose the movie was interesting. But it lacked the flair I was looking for... deeper story. If not deeper, sometimes more action can compensate. Unfortunately, this one will not rank very high on my list. You'll get some satisfaction to learn how the story unfolds. But those who look for a kickass summer movie need not apply.

Hehehe, do I sound like a movie critic? This is an overall worthy movie that unfortunately had to be finished within 2 hours. The pace was slow in the beginning and I felt that it was sped up at the end. Seeing how I can justify spending $7.50 for matinee and $5 for a drink... I will use the "well, it's the people you're with that makes the difference" reason for this time. Hopefully I won't need to use this reason too much...

First day listening to Daily Words from VOH

I had a full two days of activities for Saturday and Sunday because of the long weekend. I feel tired yet I enjoyed the two days very much. Some of us whent to Redondo Beach yesterday to just relax and have fun (supposedly, all of us were going to rollerblade, well, not all did). Thanks to Yan for her hospitality on taking us in for the tea, tomato juice and the incredible ocean view from her 4th floor apartment facing the sea. It was the first time in my life to actually view the ocean from such an angle. I am completely a believer now that living at the beach is like always on vacation.

On a side note, I had a 3 lbs crab for dinner.... I was so FULL, actually, I believe the word is "stuffed, " you know, as in "stuffed animal?" So... I was so STUFFED. Word to the skinny girl, ya, that crab is more than enough for my appetite. And sorry for getting some of the crab juice on your pullover... I really didn't intend for that to happen, ok?

I think I will post some pictures once I get some from my godsister. Maybe it's time for me to invest in a digital camera...

I didn't set time apart for the Daily Words in the past two days as I'd planned. So I downloaded the MP3 auido files from VOH's website from Sep 3 to Sep 5. I've listened to the first audio file and read Isaiah 13... hmmmm, perhaps I better spend more time reflecting. I'm not getting much out of it just yet. So I will meditate on it and see if I will be given some revealation.

To be continued...

BBQ and Pool party at Johnny's

Today was a full day.

BBQ at Johnny's house in Chino Hills. Plus swimming and jacuzzi. Man, I was really hesitant about inviting my female friends because Johnny wrote that "Simwear is required and clothing is optional" on the invitation e-mail. But I did invite lots of people... maybe about 11, most of them girls. Surprisingly, they all showed up except for 2 guys (wow, that's odd...).

More to come later...

Katrina

I can't believe that I was so occupied this past week that I didn't even have time to turn on the TV or read news on the web until Friday near the end of the work day!

The first time I began to learn of the chaos that's happening in New Orleans was on Wednesday after a cutomer visit in downtown LA. I was waiting for the valet to bring the car around and noticed that the TV on the side of the wall was reporting about the chaos happening in that part of the country. I guess if I really choose to, I can live completely oblivious to the world around me besides work. Well, this was the case this time. I was so busy that I didn't even know that there was a hurricane called Katrina which is wrecking havoc in Louisiana. Man, I've got to keep up to date on current events! I thought it was some riot happening there. Well, it may very well be. But it was due to the aftermath of the devastations caused by Katrina.

On Friday afternoon I began to read about the articles which had been headline news in any major news site. And I turned on the Yahoo live video to see some of the footage to get a better idea of what's happened in New Orleans. Wow! It was terrible! No word can describe it except that it was total anarchy, or in laymen's terms "all hell broke loose." I was instantly saddened after seeing all the people who are stranded with the babies and sitting aimlessly and helplessly looking for something or someone to help them. I can feel that some salty discharge in my eyes wanting to get out of my eyelids... but I held it in. Hey, I wasn't going to weep while I'm at work. x]

Later on in the evening, I went to fellowship early as tonight was the joint worship which happens on all the first Friday of the month. So the program starts at 7:30pm instead of our usual 8pm starting time.

I can really feel my age when I'm around these younger brothers and sisters.

Getting to the point, here's what I want to share out of the meeting tonight:

"They will neither harm nor destroy
on all my holy mountain,
for the earth will be full of the knowledge of the LORD
as the waters cover the sea."
Isaiah 11:9

I think that we're scared of the unknown. When the unknown strikes, our first reaction is to defend ourselves in any way we know how. Imagine if we don't know that by tomrrow whether we will live or die. I think this is what the people in New Orleans are at least going through in their mind. Seeing no hope for the future. That's the reason why all inhibitions were unleashed and some people want to hurt other people so that they can survive in the aftermath in one of the greatest catastrophe in US history. These people did not believe that aid was on the way to them. They didn't know if God will watch over them. Instead, they probably think that there are no consequences to what they do... since they might die tomorrow. So all the looting, crimes, rape... happened because these people did not have the knowledge of the Lord (wow, writing down what I shared earlier is a lot tougher than I thought. Besides, I was just distracted because Johnny just dropped off the most famous egg custards from Chinatown in San Francisco on his way back to LA. Great, this is completely ruining my diet! Aaaarrrggghhh!!!).

I remeber about 3 weeks ago that the church pastor was sharing about his mission trip to India. There were 15,000 people meeting under one tent to worship God in unison. The knowledge of the Lord brings order, peace, and joy. Imagine all these people without God... wouldn't chaos reign? I'm thinking... the anarchy happening in New Orleans can be seen as a glimpse of the end times where people will act according to their instincts, disrespect and disregard for order which blinds them to think they can rule over the weaker. They have no knowledge nor the fear of God. And I think... truly, when we know God, the knowledge of God will disarm the weapons, the hostilities toward each other, and the wall of defenses will no longer be necessary between nations and peoples.

This is just part of the realizations tonight....

What I need more is not realizations. But... discipline.

... to be continued.

Renewal Blog Created!!!

I decided to create a blog today for the first time in the 32 years of my life. Before a month ago, I didn't even know what a blog is. And now I'm being sucked into this online phenomenon... hahaha.

The reason for this blog is very simple. I wish to record my daily happenings in a way that others can interact with (duh, isn't that what all blogs are for?) But more than just that, I want to record the messages and realizations that I take in as I re-initiate my daily devotions toward reading the bible. And this being online will help me in the sense that I'm counting on both the chance and the faithful readers of my blog to keep me accountable. So here it is... may God bless those of you who happen to stumble upon my page with the blessings I'm expecting from God in writing down my daily life.

I have to say... this is a kind of a big step for me. Since I used to keep journals where I just write down whatever is in my head without any concern for limit and what others might think of me. Being that journals are typically private in nature and that was the place where I can be free. So putting my private life online sounds like a risky proposition. But I supposed that I don't need to disclose all the intimate details of my life all at once. So this should be alright afterall...

Well, so much for the introduction. I named this blog "Renewal" after the cell group meeting tonight at church. Because I feel the need to be renewed, to be reminded of the first love when I encountered God more than 10 years ago and the closeness that I've experienced at certain stages in my life a few years back. I bid you welcome to walk with me in my journey to seek my "renewal" from God.

Donald