Going back to Taiwan

I just came back from a two day business trip to Oregon and had just booked my flight online last night to go back to Taiwan for my grandma's funeral.

Lynn and I will be departing from LAX on 1/19/08 and return to the US on 1/27/08. My emotions seemed to stabilize when I'm working. This is God's grace for me.

Still got tons of things to do at work.

Heartache

I got a call at noon today while I was still in the middle of Sunday service.

My grandma had passed away over the weekend. She was 83 years young. I just turned 35 years old yesterday. I wished I was there in her last days. From what I can gather from the conversation with my mom, she passed away peacefully and probably in her sleep.

But I cannot stop crying. My eyes simply refuse to follow my commands. My heart aches...

I remember that in 2006, when I was visiting her, I silently ask the Lord to allowed me to get married sooner so that my grandma can see that I've found a nice girl who will care for me and love me. At the same time, I asked her if she believed in Jesus as her Savior. She smiled and said, "yes."

So the Lord allowed me to get married in 2007. And my grandma was able to share with my joy. For my honeymoon, we were able to spend a few quality days walking around the streets of Taipei. She even bargained on my behalf when Lynn and I were buying shoes. She was my dearest grandma, my favorite person in the whole world.

All these memories of her seemed to wash over me as if though they happened yesterday. They don't seem to fade away. From when I was a little kid in I-Lan to when me and Glenn would walk to her place on Saturday afternoons, to when she took us to the mall and spend the Sunday afternoons there. To when she saw us off to go to the US in 1986. She told me that she was so emotional that she wanted to get on the airplane and come with me...

I thought I would go back to Taiwan with Lynn to see her again in May of this year.... and now I can't see her anymore. Not this lifetime anyway.

Lord, I know that because she believed in You she's now with You in heaven. She's in a better place now and I shall see her again.

It's just that... how do I stop from crying?

Thank you, all, for praying for me.

Singing the Blues...

Waiting... and waiting...

Singing the blues....

My eyes are not closed.... even with jet lag

Psalm 77

1 I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.

2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands
and my soul refused to be comforted.

3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
Selah

4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.

5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;

6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

7 "Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?

8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?

9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"
Selah

10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
the years of the right hand of the Most High."

11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

12 I will meditate on all your works
and consider all your mighty deeds.

13 Your ways, O God, are holy.
What god is so great as our God?

14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.

15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
Selah

16 The waters saw you, O God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.

17 The clouds poured down water,
the skies resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.

18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.

19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

Chinese Version
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Lord, I know.... I just can't sleep now. You've already shown me a way to find strength in you. I was wondering why you showed this to me yesterday morning in the wee hours. "Though your footprints are not seen, you led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron." Is it what I will be looking forward to?

One year.... is it too long? It's only the beginning to the next beginning. There's much more for me after this year. Lord, please, comfort my heart and soul... let me not refuse your comfort. In this lonely hour, I can only speak to you about it.

........