Heartache

I got a call at noon today while I was still in the middle of Sunday service.

My grandma had passed away over the weekend. She was 83 years young. I just turned 35 years old yesterday. I wished I was there in her last days. From what I can gather from the conversation with my mom, she passed away peacefully and probably in her sleep.

But I cannot stop crying. My eyes simply refuse to follow my commands. My heart aches...

I remember that in 2006, when I was visiting her, I silently ask the Lord to allowed me to get married sooner so that my grandma can see that I've found a nice girl who will care for me and love me. At the same time, I asked her if she believed in Jesus as her Savior. She smiled and said, "yes."

So the Lord allowed me to get married in 2007. And my grandma was able to share with my joy. For my honeymoon, we were able to spend a few quality days walking around the streets of Taipei. She even bargained on my behalf when Lynn and I were buying shoes. She was my dearest grandma, my favorite person in the whole world.

All these memories of her seemed to wash over me as if though they happened yesterday. They don't seem to fade away. From when I was a little kid in I-Lan to when me and Glenn would walk to her place on Saturday afternoons, to when she took us to the mall and spend the Sunday afternoons there. To when she saw us off to go to the US in 1986. She told me that she was so emotional that she wanted to get on the airplane and come with me...

I thought I would go back to Taiwan with Lynn to see her again in May of this year.... and now I can't see her anymore. Not this lifetime anyway.

Lord, I know that because she believed in You she's now with You in heaven. She's in a better place now and I shall see her again.

It's just that... how do I stop from crying?

Thank you, all, for praying for me.