Sleepless night...
Alcohol doesn't help...
Music doesn't sooth...
Words aren't available...
Voices slowly fade...
And I'm left with silence...

Why do I hold on to something that's not meant to be mine?
What is it that I'm lacking in my heart... that I can't grasp the warmth that I once had?

If possible, I want my heart to be happy as in the days when I first found love. When it was innocent and pure... when it was grand and deep... like the ocean. When I can feel it in the air I breath, and in the heavenly notes conducted by nature.

Signing off...

There was once a revelation for me... God is more pleased with me singing songs of joy with my guitar than with me singing the sad songs. I can feel that my voice changed through the years since then... when I saturated myself with the sad songs and diverted from the songs muttered by my guitar when I use to sing joyful songs.

Thinking of someone is an abstract idea. Kind of like a shadow... we never see the real thing. No sounds, no breathe... causing my heart to ache, making my chest to deflate, inducing my mouth to thirst, and luring my mind to be lost. All this while I'm wide awake. How I wish that I can sleep away time, so the days when I meet with you would come when I awake.

Do you know this, my dear...?

Perhaps this is the end of my detour. And I'm not willing to let go just yet. My only assurance is that I'm so not ready... so far from it that it's funny. Can you hear me laughing at myself? I've been walking backwards when comparing my journal entries from 2 years ago, even more from 5 years ago. Time to return? So how do I connect the dots...?